Self-deception

there are times in which i wish
the “i” in me would cease to exist
and take its rightful place
behind the curtain
and swallowed in His glory’s mist…
but when i come to a point in which
i too am basking in the limelight
soaking in every word of acknowledgement
my “i” it seems springs back to life
not dead
but breathing
alive and well…
and like so this is a torrid tale
of “i” masking itself in death
but still not
with its cheeks glowing in pink
and to my horror still breathing
crippling what humble exterior
i am the least
and this i desire to be my hopeful demeanor
still it is far
still miles away from cleansing this sinner…
let now others be forewarned
and when we even think we’ve gotten a hold
of taming ourselves
it is when we are most vulnerable
to the subtle beast of self-deception.

apportion then mercy
for yet again
i wish not to be clothed in fine white linen
but rags
and so
i
will it to be
give grace
for me to see
not the back of my head
when i look into the mirror.

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