I wouldn’t call this a crisis, although it does seem like one because seeking for direction at the age of 30 is like playing with fire. At the moment i’m undecided.
It used to be all easy before until things got messed up and change the course of my mental aptitude. Not that i got smarter or dumber for that matter. Just that i got thinking realistically for a change.
Maybe it is the situation in Malaysia, that when someone ventures into bible school it is meant for full time ministry. That is always the case. This is probably because the need of full time ministers are high and the small percentage of people venturing in the direction of being equipped is generally low.
Well in my case venturing in full time ministry was something i never thought twice about, it all seemed predictable. Getting a call means always to full time ministry. That is what i’m accustomed to.
But after some tussles in ministry and the realization that if it happens again i’ll have no where to go, it dawned on me how hazardous living was being full time. It is not an easy direction one goes through or live in.
I’m not so much in favor of the spiritual pedestal people often put you on. It has become something that i have not been able to appreciate. Believe me, ministers are people too. If they were super spiritual, that would be utterly weird. We’d be making idols without directly knowing we are. Creating mortal man into divinity. That role is for Jesus and not any other man might i add. To me it does not seem fair for the minister, in a sense.
And at times there seems to be added moral codes that each culture creates and that further complicates things. I’m actually tired of thinking about all these things actually but they make the baggage of living much more harder than it already is. Heavy becomes unimaginably heavy.
Well all that makes me question again ‘a call to what?’ I still have the remainder of another year and a half to decide but age is making it too old for me to play around with responsibilities. Soon though, I have to decide.