Times when i don’t want to be in the thick of things are times when people assume i don’t take any care for responsibility. Sometimes we work hard to meet deadlines on responsibilities and they always keep me awake most nights. I rehearse how I would approach each situation beforehand not wanting to look dumb when I approach to do things.
These things get to me. They seem to be the things that stain my day. I’m happy if i got assignments and all that, its the gritty things, the stuff that make life moving that sometimes drag me. Its the mundane things that seem to make life a chore and irritating. It would be good to somehow erase these things but they are the stuff that allows things to move and have their being.
At the back of my mind thought, i have to confess is its failure or the mere thought of failing that bugs me and somewhat deprives me of joy. I am anyway a pessimist at best. Its that feeling that keeps nagging and whispering everyday that somehow numbs my attention to detail and shuts my well oiled engines to run.
Having anxiety attacks sucks big time.