It’s probably best for me to stop modulating in my mind.
When it starts it has an effect that makes me sleepless. Tossing on my bed. So the next best thing to do is get up and construct sentences from these thoughts up in my head.
Who know something might come up. Like a good story. I mean, who knows right. It always happens like that in the movies. Someone brought up in dire circumstances, makes his way steadily to a pinnacle. In the end, the most unlikely of people become the main attraction. Or should i say someone important.
I like stories like that, and I think others register the same feelings as i have on this. We love the unlikely hero plot. It makes for good inspiration. Some hope to cling to when everything comes to a halt.
And so as I try now to write meaningful sentences that makes for a good story, it doesn’t happen and it’s sad really. Awake and still deprived of the fleeting ship to success. Well, i hope it happens next time. Not so far in the distant future though. I’d be too old by then to enjoy the rewards of success.
Sometimes i think is it worth it to think something might come up in writing things? I write papers for assignments and grades for a certificate. I have another 1 and a half years to go and I’m done with the first hurdle. My theological degree. I keep wondering why i started out late. I’d be too old by then if I do make it and become a professor. It’s good to aim high.
Where am i headed to? I’m still unsure and taking a ride that has no aim puts girl i would be interested in to shambles. Following a man with no direction is simply a road to nowhere. So that would be the last thing on my mind at the moment. I would not like to meet perspective in laws and tell them that “I’m not sure how I’ll provide for your daughter. Heck , let alone know whether we would have enough money to live ‘happily.’” That’s just suicidal to some degree.
Anyways, still, I have no story to tell yet. No plot that carries interest. I mean no one would read a story about…I just lost it. Slipped from my mind. The idea that is. Well too bad, you might think I was crazy if i did mention what kind of ideas i had in mind. That would be the end of my writing career.
Well, at least I’m writing about stuff going through my mind at the moment. It’s funny how a person thinks. Sometimes we move from scene to scene without the intention of making sense of what we thought about before. Life and thought in their entirety are more unconnected dots and most of the time they don’t always fit. Editing makes and arranges them to tell about something. Apart from that we don’t bother to relate everything to make meaning, Living is a meaning in itself. And we don’t really have to struggle to edit them in real time. Only later when we have time to reflect that is.
Well this chapter stops here. These thoughts are just cluttered ideas and thinking moving from scene to scene. I’ll try to write my story when the time comes. For now, the weekend is brewing coffee in the morning and the smell of books will follow suit after that.