Emotions

I find it hard to mask feelings and emotions and stuff like that when I feel like they are bursting out with no control. It’s really frustrating when they come at the wrong time as well. I get so anxious when it feels deprived or have to wait to find out and patience feels like a torrid weight to carry and bear with. I just want to let go of just holding the emotion of liking someone and just letting them know what I feel. I think sometimes people value you being up front, just bearing your soul.

It could be easy you know just letting it out and not try  to play games and all that, not trying too much to mask your every move so that the other person does not have to decipher them, because she will knows what you’re actually up to anyways, so there is no hiding the gestures, language and actions that you try to convey. They would be out in the open…and she will have the chance to say yes and no and for that you will be left to either feel sad or exited by the response and feel somewhat relieved because you simply told the truth about your intention. If it’s a rejection, of course there will be pain but it would be for just awhile because there would not be any prolonged anxiety. And if it turns out to be a yes it becomes really good and that means many hours in dreamy thoughts and being lifted up but yet still on the ground. Those feelings are common and true, and most of all they are great, really great. You just feel an escalation to run and dance (even if you don’t dance, I know I don’t dance) and jump and shout and just tell the world abut the amazing fact that the girl you like, likes you back and you find that an amazing fact about life and you’re spinning like you were on a merry-go-round that keeps spinning full speed ahead and surprisingly you don’t feel nauseous at all.

But sometimes the drastic telling of saying simply how you feel about a girl moves on into an area of ruining something that is already budding. Stuff like friendships, there can be no doubt in that. So many times we just want what we feel in the moment, when our pulse is racing because someone beautiful has captured our attentions and captivated out thoughts and they keep running in our mind. And we like everything about the girl, her voice becomes the most beautiful voice that melts your heart and gaze are so dreamy you are hypnotized by their power. And when she smiles, you notice the details that make your heart tingle and you sometimes get weak on the knees and feel like you simply wanted to just fall to the ground like and injured player but minus the pain. And all this makes it harder to think, when emotions are the stuff that controls you mind to think clearly. You could have built on something special rather than just saying, “I really like you.” And with that you spoil what could have been a strong friendship that may have not been romantic and or maybe it could have led to somewhere there. It takes time to see inside the heart for something ringing genuine. Something that is more than just gutless emotions.

Emotions are really hard to decipher whether it’s something genuine or true, something believable and in the end turn into commitment. Because sometimes emotions are just like straw made houses, which the imaginary wolf in the story that my mum used to read to me, “the three little pigs,” would huff and puff and blow the house down. Emotions are the stuff of uncertainty. But i think, it is to be tamed like a wild horse, tamed to be trained in prolonged measure. Trained to know what it means to weigh a balance between just want and for something better, something lasting than just imaginary leanings. Stories that have no realistic foundations. I think when emotions are trained to be controlled and not take control we have something powerful, something that could prolong some sense of devotion. Something that is strong enough to convey the feeling of value in the heart as well as knowing it in the mind.

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