There are times when I think that being entrusted to the ministry is simply a calling to the gallows. Well that’s just putting a graphic picture before us of what it sometimes metaphorically presents. Life in ministry is surely not a bed of roses. Sometimes I muse, what is it i’m getting myself involved in. It’s scary really. Constantly facing the firing line of not fully being yourself and constantly projected as some holy freak coming out of the heavenly zoo. I am at best a reluctant minister.
Why the reluctance?
I’m not so sure I have the exhaustive answer for this but I do have some proposals that I think might work to generate some points to make an argument of my case.
Maybe part of my reluctance has to do with my past experiences with people of authority in ministry. Pastor’s in my observation were looked down upon and had little knowledge of affairs in the society as a whole. Their life was glued to holy things, and that was regulated to things ascribed to the church. In that manner the pastor was a disconnected person in society, a sometimes respected person but generally someone who had no place for society to lean on and trust for wisdom. What they did was child’s play and anyone could do the work better than the pastor.
Pastor’s were also timid and helpless in a sense. Because their life was revolved only around the four walls of the church they were ill equipped to the probing questions that society as a whole were asking. Pastors, it was said, were not to get entangled in the affairs of the world. Or better put worldly affairs. I ascribed to this for a while until I found out that this was something regulated by ill trained minds. Leaders who were knowledgeable in secular stuff often times used their knowledge to create fear in the pastor because it was assumed that these leaders were experts in their field and need not be questioned in their motives. After all they were Christians. And because of lack of knowledge in understanding pastors were being ‘pupetized,’ strung by the wielding schemes of wicked leaders.
Pastors as I observed, were married to their ministry. It was almost like having an affair with another women. Their own families neglected and their children left without a father. Well I have to state that I’m speaking on a general case here. I cringe at the fact that the ministry would eat me up alive and wreck my family. I hear now that the over involvement in ministry is now something that minister’s consider something to be curbed which is good. But still the tendency to get entangled in work is so easy.
Pastors the way I saw it were always in need. Let’s face it, I don’t want to be anyones charity. But that is always the case. Bulking and mounting needs. You wait for God to give and sometimes if he would give. Sometimes I wonder why we think it is God that gives. This statement is true in a sense but God needs human hands to extend his giving thought human means.
Well, there are more probably but that would do for now. This has nothing to do at me lashing out at pastors. Well that should not be the case. This is just a personal observation by a bystander and an insider as well. A personal observation made by one puny soul. An observation that has moderated the reluctance in me. But I guess it is often overrated. My feelings towards my observations. Sometimes I do get caught up in the facade of thinking that if I plunge myself in ministry I would be the same kind of pastor which I am not fond of.
But I’m still on my journey. Hopefully away from reluctance. I guess having the sense of reluctance has fueled probing questions that I have constantly left at bay all this while. But regardless though I do have a reluctant issue, that does not negate me being a follower of Jesus.