How To Turn Off Youths From Anything Spiritual

Pied Piper with Children
Image via Wikipedia

I could have posted something that sounded much more spiritual than this but sometimes posting up something provocative carries the meaning more than sounding correct and spiritual.

So here is a guide, albeit not an exhaustive one, on “How to Turn Off Youths From Anything Spiritual.

1. Preach in a way that you were taught in seminary, quoting important theologians and always bringing out the important details that you considered during your studies. “WoW” them with theological jargon to make you sound smart and brilliant. So, when no one understands what you preached, you have achieved your goal.

2. Any opinion given by youths are baseless and they do not know what they are talking about. They have little grasp of the bible and doctrine or have no clue about ministry. So, your best approach to their opinions is to listen with the left ear and let it out through the right ear. Appear as if listening intently, nodding every few minutes when you see them getting exited when sharing their thought. Then after that, say in your most polite way, “Lets just stick with what we’ve been doing before.” After saying that, with the nods and polite way of response, you have done your work in putting a face and somehow done enough to gain their puny trust.

3. Continue to do things like it was done in you’re era, when youths were better than they were now. Anyway, that’s how you were trained and formed until you’ve arrive at a mature stage spiritually. If the old method worked for you, it sure as h@#$ will work with the present group of youngsters.

4. For leaders, stick with the older group. Well, the veterans that is. Youths can’t do anything. They are irresponsible and childish, immature and un-spiritual. What do they know about the bible. So entrust leadership roles to the old folks.

5. Make the meeting as boring as possible, without games, laughter, jokes and all that acquainted with youthfulness. I mean, you’ve already accommodated their rock sounding music. So that’s as far as it goes. Anything beyond that is heresy.

6. And most importantly, amidst all this, keep telling them that they are the leaders of the future, when in fact you and your group are monopolizing the ratio of leaders.

So, good luck in actualizing these steps to further enhance the demise of youthful vigor in church. Do this often and you will soon achieve your vision. I-kid-you-not.

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