I guess at this moment of being in constant unease, and I find words, sentences and writing a full paragraph, is a battling thing to do. I love writing but at this time of mental combustion it’s hard to find the right construction of sentences, management quotes and compiling footnotes, they all become a hard tussle that I wrestle with. Writing has not been the same ever since.
I read, and my mind wanders into the abyss. I get lost feeling all the pain and guilt. But it’s funny that in writing I find another avenue that is at this time rehabilitating. Poetry. I guess it’s something I’m immersing myself in. I use to write crappy ones but I think I’ve progressed, or you could say matured. Not that I’m saying that I’ve got it, but there is a sense of ease. In an ironic manner, pain becomes the fuel, but I wouldn’t want it to just be that way forever. Otherwise I’d be a pain seeker. I do want release.
But for now, it fuels this urge for writing. This need that wants expression. An art form that instead of painting pictures, creating melodic intuition, capturing places and moments, I try to construct a rhythm, a collection of emotion strung on cords of words that somewhat rhyme. For now they become my solace, my tower that speaks of refuge. Yes, they are sometimes dark and scale to the verge of manic depression, but somehow it works for me.
I know I probably wont make money out of them, no profit from it all but writing poetry eases the soul to expression, turning dark moments into beauty, into art.
So what about you, what rehabilitates you in terms of writing?