We live with the desire of being known.
We fill out our social network pages with sweet smelling threads of what people should know about us. Those that we deem important and mostly uplifting. We want our life to be an inspiration to others. Even when we update stuff on our Facebook or any other platforms we moderate how we want to say it to those we want to read them. We are humans with the intrinsic desire to want and need acclaim or more or less the affections of others. Even if we are in someways private people, we want what we think and feel to be out there for people to see.
I think for myself in these term as well. I write some pretty depressing poems but I mask my emotions with well thought of structures. For me rhythm is an important tool for making words created in a poem work. I’m not a pro, but I try my best doing it well. In a way, what are my excruciating pain becomes some form of beauty. It is probably some form of trying to publish something out there for that sense of connecting with others. That desire in me to be known and be accepted. I’m an introvert. And with this bit of information even introverts have built in them this desire.
But if we really reflect on this whole situation of wanting to be known, we find in ourselves, if we are really open to contemplate this, we still fall behind on this desire we have. This is because we only publish what we want to publish. We only make known what we can moderate or edit. Although we desire to reveal who we are, we can’t really conceal much. We reject the notion of being rejected. And so we use the tools necessary to edit and at best mask our very self. We project what we think is necessary to be accepted.
I would like to fill every gap of information if I had them with good things like a good career, who I am in the society, what I’m doing that contributes to the larger scope of humanity, the vocation I have which earns my good sense of living. I’d like to fill up the types of books I read, putting up those that speaks of intelligence and all that. I’d like to be accepted having those things in place. But I have none of those.
I’d like to fill my profile with important affiliations. Websites that I’ve contributed to, big names that are on my list of friends, works I have publishers, big and important firms I’ve worked with, or positions that I’ve held, or pictures of me smiling with a large group of friends having a nice meal or raving on in a party. I’d like my life to be a happening spin off. But I have none of those really. But whose to say I wouldn’t like to have them. Because I’d like to be accepted for a change. But really just for only these things?
But wouldn’t it be nice to be known not because of these? By just being ourselves and people just accept us like we are and even our faults. I think we all try to impress others one way or another, even if we don’t realize this. For me, I hide myself in words. I try to sound or write eloquently. The best of my ability. I try to read widely and sound philosophical even to mask my inabilities. I try to sound smart even when deep down inside me I’m not so smart after all. I try to measure my intelligence by trying to come up with terms used by academics in the fields that I study. But really, these are just masks to build up who I think people will accept.
All of us probably struggle with this. To be known and accepted. But again, wouldn’t it be nice to be known as who we really are? To be accepted with all our warts and all? That would truly be a beautiful thing.