disintegrating particles

disintegrating particles,
fall to the floor,
motionless clutter,
in front of my door,
greet me with a smile that spells hello,
a welcoming existence shattered in my core,
my initial reaction,
a numbing retraction,
like sex without contraption,
entails an inviting call of destruction,
perhaps,
and i was still searching,
my mind for words or whatever,
to make contact,
for whatever reason,
my posted out projection,
is plastered in bold letters,
that spells out rejection,
but still,
when someone faces decisions,
that needs a split second sense of judgement,
you either fall under the pressure,
or ride above the waves.