Relationships:deconstructing preconceived ideas

A young woman and man embracing while outdoors.
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These thoughts came about when me and my cousin were talking about God and how I defined God or how I would explain about God. Well my explanation about that was using the analogy of being in a relationship. Well, not that I’m an expert on relationships but I somehow know a thing or two about it.

Before someone actually plunges into a relationship (romantic), he or she will have some of their own ideas of what the “perfect” mate should be. She must have a personality or he must be smart or whatever. We have at the beginning our own well worked preconceptions of what we think we want and the make-ups of the ideal man or woman.

But as we enter in a relationship with someone, even if in the beginning the people we got attracted to carried in them traits of what we call perfect, the ideal idea that we have of what we think makes the perfect someone is slowly being deconstructed to meet a realistic depiction of what we encounter. Here, we either refuse to accept and then break off or we learn to accept and reconstruct a more realistic depiction of someone we are having relationship with.

The process of deconstructing our preconceived notions happens in the event of our ideas being met with a real person. And slowly we shed the skin of our preconceived ideas to something more realistic. Or should I say a reconstructed idea of a good mate.

Like relationships like I mentioned above, I think that is how we get to know God, like we get to know people. We have certain preconceived ideas to start with but as we have “relationship” with this God we slowly deconstruct our ideas of a God based on our ideas to a God based on our relationship with him.

Well, although this may be a post on knowing God, it is in someways how I would view stuff about relationships as well. As we know the person, or as we crash out of relationships, our preconceived ideas about the ideal gets deconstructed until we somehow get a realistic grasp of what really matters.

Here’s a quote that, in someways explains the reflections I presented above, although the context of the whole quote has a particular issue of relationship at hand. But the idea of deconstructing our preconceived notions of ideal is represented beautifully here:

Stanley Hauerwas, an ethicist at Duke, says that we always marry the wrong person. The sooner young couples can understand that, the better off they’ll be. I hear young couples say, “You mean you don’t want us to be soul mates?” But nobody marries his or her soul mate. [Quote taken from this article here.]

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