A child takes time to learn
Like breathing coming out from the womb, like turning over, like crawling, like walking, like forming sentences so they can begin speaking, conversing.
They take time to learn standing, to turn it to taking steps for walking and running and jumping.
We dont need to force them. We guide them. We give them time and even of they stumble we dont say, “you’ve failed, you’re never going to walk or whatever.”
It takes time and effort.
Like learning to trust again, to believe again, to see hope to be happy to have joy after betrayal.
Today i fail. So what?!
People may judge the process and tell that i’m a quitter. So what?!
Have they been in my shoes to peer inside my soul and see all the hurt that im facing?
To know that im absent because i cant stand people asking where ive been and why it looks like im not responsible.
Im trying. Im learning. It’s hard because i just dont know when emotions trigger the depths of my hurt.
Sometimes i dont know who i am and what im feeling and the darkness that eats up inside. The voices, sleepless nights, my breath degrading.
Who you see outside as smiling and conversing and greeting and walking.
Im just a mess sometimes i forget days, what people say, important dates, small details.
Today was hard.
I forgive myself for fearing for lashing for being angry, for being bitter. I just cant breath right my mind goes into a fog.
I write so i stay sane. My emotions i just cant trust them now.
In sorry but today i just cant. Cant be myself, cant withstand pressure.
If it was easy
Life would be for a child.
If it was easy
If it was easy.
So i need to pick up myself now and start over.