The butt of all jokes

If you think of me like that
Then I must be
The thing you’re projecting in your head
But you shared it to me vaguely
As if you forgot to paint the animal you drew
Without a head or tail.
I see a body
But I don’t know what to make of your masterpiece.

An obscure image of a concept
With no viable verbal definition to give
Like being awestruck by a bullet to the head
A painless death.

Maybe to you that is me
The me I have become
The I, should I recognize
Is one I have not met
The person in your head…

He looks more like an imposter
One you’ve made up to inhabit the pages of
Your lawyered arguments
That colors your well constructed
Philosophical reasonings
With a sage like references to give me some sense
Of appeasement.

You are butterscotch
With dabs of insidious.
If you think of me like that
Then I must be
The thing you’re projecting in your head.

But then I’ll just take what I see as true
Not everything laden with what I feel as
Your sultry deceiving lips
The kiss of death.

I’ll play along with your jester and jokes
Because in the end
You’ll know that
The joke is not on me but you.

Who or What gets punished?

A sign posted on the door of a convenience sto...
Image via Wikipedia

In a hell envisioned by the religious police, those who would be taking most of the severe punishment imaginable are Heineken, Tiger, and other beer brands. Joining them are Jack Daniels and the legions of liquor. They will be torture in the lake of fire of eternal judgment. 

And if you thought that it was only them, Cigarettes will suffer the same consequences as the alcoholic beverages in eternal punishment. Only, I’m not sure how punishing cigarettes by burning them would mean much to them…they already suffer from lethal burning back on earth.

Mens hair will also be thrown to the lake of fire. We need to make it clear though, only those that are long will be condemned for clarifications sake least we think any hair style will be condemned.

Joining ‘mens hair’ would be woman’s clothing. Again there needs to be clarification here…only the sexy ones needs to be punished and thrown to their eternal condemnation because of how they influence human beings.

Tattoos, which were inked on human skins would be skinned off and thrown in as well for that matter. I don’t know how they are gonna do this but they made it clear to me that it will be done regardless.

The list goes on though…I’m getting tired as I type. But the ironic thing is…there are those that escape punishment here.

Sin, which started the whole rebellion (well, insinuated by Satan for clarifications sake) goes unpunished. Too much attention is given on ‘worldly’ things that the real culprit escapes…

Well…i think that’s how the state of hell looks like in the reality of the religious police.

“Fasting” will not come out in theaters near you (Report by J)

It was reported by sources close to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson that his movie titled “Fasting” has been cancelled. Johnson, it is said was very disappointed by the decision on the cancellation of the movie. The one who leaked out the information pertaining to “Fasting” said that, “Johnson really immersed himself into the character he was playing. I mean, he lost like so may pounds of weight, you never thought this guy was a pro-wrestler before.”

According to sources, Johnson, like what the title of the movie, fasted and followed the diet of John the Baptist. It is unknown where he got his stash of locust or whether he took sugar free honey. It was only reported that he was doing the “John the Baptist Diet Plan.”

Doctors have warned Johnson, on his decision to plunge into the role, as one would see the after affects from the picture above pertaining to how Johnson was after going through the diet. One of the reasons was, he might not regain back his weight ever again. But it was reported that Johnson went and asked advise from actor Christian Bale, who is known for his role in “The Machinist” on which he too lost weight for the role. It seems that Johnson did his homework on this. But still doctors say that Bale was no expert in doctor stuff so the tables might turn on Johnson’s decision.

But cancellation of the movie were also due to other factors, it is said. Religious groups protested that the depiction of Johnson who held a chicken drumstick (which looked to be from Kentucky Fried Chicken) in the movie poster, would send the wrong messages to what the real purpose of fasting was. One religious leader said, “Fasting is not about losing weight and gaining it back by eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. ”

Another reason for the cancellation of the show, which sources said were clashes between McDonald’s and KFC. It is reported that McDonald’s is suing KFC and the makers of the movie because according to the script of the movie, Johnson’s character who vowed to immerse himself in the religious practice of fasting will always opt for KFC. This is because, Billy Bob Thornton’s character, who plays a self proclaimed prophet named Isaiah Moses, who taught that “it is better to eat at KFC than McDonald’s,” apparently, a line coming from his character.

A spokes person from McDonald’s said that “When they wrote the script and filmed the movie, they did not seek the approval from us. With such big names like “The Rock” and Thornton coupled with a “divine” mandate which is evident from the movie lashing out at McDonald’s, it will surely hurt our sales and the trust of people who believe in the ideology behind the movie.”

Spokes person for the movie “Fasting” have not responded yet on any of the facts gained from the sources. But, they seem reliable to this reporter.

Report by: J, who does not have any poetry thought up in his mind today. He tried hard (really hard) to write poetry based on the poster above but no poetic words came out. So today he tried write sarcasm. Apparently he lost a few brain cells watching contestants from Miss Universe 2011 (search for their vids on YouTube and you will get his point.) who gave very amazing (or stupid) answers to the 3 hardest questions that make gorgeous women sweat. The questions were, “Do you think there is life on other planets?”, “Why are women better than men?” and “What animal would you be if given the chance?” It seems like J believes that for him to find the ONE, he will need to ask these questions and see if they give satisfactory answers to them. If that happens J will have both the combination of “beauty and brains” which would solve his problems of being single and searching for the one.

Mark 17…yeah bro, I swiped this from your Facebook status.

I swiped this from my brother’s Facebook status (It’s either he’s smarter than me or i’m just getting old, go figure).

A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Several went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

Some reflections on this:

1. It’s either these people did not own a bible or they don’t have access to the internet, or don’t know how to use Google.

2. The minister really knows his congregation.

3. The congregation doesn’t bother to listen to the minister. They just attend church because its church.

4. Or, this is simply a case of Lying FAIL.

5. As my brother told me…”This is just a joke.” Cool man, I know.

an ode to courage

“courage,”
is a word i thought i understood
to mean
someone with muscles from Brussels
who had the strength
to ward off
those who got on his nerves
because they messed with his love
or so his next of kin
those enemies who sin
and like hulk
who only retaliated
when they provoked his warning of
“don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when i’m angry,”
type of monologue,
the one that could be recited from rote memory,
because it plays out the same,
over and over,
the plot tells the same old story…
where courage meant
strength is used
when an enemy
strikes first
and the good guy (or gal)
always wins…

but i’m quick to learn
that there is another side to “courage”
where the normal and weak reside
those insignificant ones
of whom fear
or the very mention of the word
inhabits their world…
if there is another metaphor
that counters the “courage”
i mentioned above,
i always think about
an animated character
who is the counter-cultural representation
of a deconstruction
decoding to the word “courage”
is a dog,
who is the embodiment of fear,
but overturns the tables,
time and again because his name,
depicts his swimming against the waves,
and currents,
that tries to exorcise,
what he is called to be,
the dog called
courage.”

the art of really ‘listening’

i hear you speaking,
loudly and clearly,
your mouth moving,
as you utter words and sentences,
make phrases into images.

i see your eyes,
twitching when they do,
looking intently in my direction,
sitting in opposite direction,
i can clearly see you,
cause i have 20/20 vision. 

you make all sorts of expressions,
i'm amazed at how you do it,
dramatic i'd say,
like putting on a show,
this is better than watching television. 

I extend my gaze at the clothes you're wearing,
a bright colored shirt,
in well porpotioned texture,
you have nice taste,
a combination of bread and butter. 

and all this while in my observation,
while listening to you speak,
i have to apologize because,
while i was too busy noticing
whatever it was you were intently sharing,
i only heard noise.

sometimes we are all but masters in listening with our eyes all open,
the intention of not really listening,
just mere enactment of how to look like we're really giving a damn to what we're hearing.

Note: A Jewish Philosopher is quoted, "When you see the color of someone's eyes, you are not relating to them." 
The idea of this poem came from this video.

An Ode to them “Bloody Assignments!”

Just some light hearted humor on a Saturday evening being far from my girlfriend and family and the comfort of a safe and comfortable space.

I blame them bloody assignments

for hampering my 20/20 vision

for the sleepless nights drinking and eating coffee

for ruining TGIF and also Saturdays when I should be out and enjoying time with friends and my lover

for missing EPL matches, crucial ones like the one on this Sunday

reading works of scholars how they make my mind weary

stopping every few minutes jotting notes rather then write my girlfriend love letters

YES, my blame goes to you, them bloody assignments

for making me miss events that are more worthy

for making my body weary though not exercising

for almost everything that devoid time to party

for making me cry for no reason when I hit a brick wall while writing

for breaking my will summarizing tomes of pages for an assignment

Thank you bloody assignments!

Oh, Thank you…them bloody assignments.

Well, for those who don’t know me, I’m not really in the camp of calling assignments bloody. I love what they do to my mind, well thats when after I finish writing them up that is. Maybe it’s that itch in me to write that makes me love them bloody assignments. They expand the shallow mind to depths that are unheard of. I relish the challenge, to write something worthwhile. It’s a compliment when I get approval from lecturers. But when they do sometimes come void of “appreciation” that makes me hunger for expansion. I think, though assignments do come with their own sets of frustrating bouts on everyone, them bloody assignments do help for the future that is.

We Should ‘Alter’ Luke 9:50 to Mean What We Practice Now

I read in the bible the other day or was it today the passage in Luke 9 where it says

46 An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. 47 Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. 48 Then he said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest.”

….I wasn’t happy with verses 49 and 50 so I took the liberty to change it. So read the alteration that I did.

49 “Master,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we tried to stop him, because he is not one of us.”

50 “…[S]top him [or blog insanely about him since he does not fit the theological stance you have],” Jesus said, “for whoever…against you [should be shunned].”

The logic behind my alteration is that, the way it was translated before is not practiced now in our Christian circles. Take Rob Bell’s case for example. As long as someone does not agree theologically with us we label them unchristian. We throw the towel at them. We give up on them. Paul in Philippians was far more lenient in his address of those who preach Christ out of wrong motives. He simply said, “As long as Christ is preached.” I think I should alter that passage as well to make it mold into the current context we are in.